Fading dreams
by Heaven's Memoirs
Summary: She slid away from my arms... My fault for bringing her life to an end. Just as I'm still grieving for her death, she came back to me... but without her memories... NxM
1. Reencounter

**Disclaimer: I do not own Gakuen Alice... -breaks down into a sob-**

**Summary: She slid away from my arms... My fault for bringing her life to an end. Just as I'm still grieving for her death, she came back to me... without her memories... NxM**

**A/N: Hey, hey This is my second fic I havent finished the first one but i'm burning up with inspiration!! This chapter is in Natsume's POV. So, you all out there can enjoy the perverted thoughts of our beloved Natsume. Lolz. Anyways, tomorrow is my birthday, 8 of March. Instead of receiving gifts, i'm thinking of giving one. Anyways, hope all of you out there will enjoy this fic. And dont forget to review!**

**Fading Wishes**

**Chapter one: Reencounter**

She felt cold. Cold enough to make her soft cherry lips white, her bright face pale. Her whole body refused to obey her commands. She can't feel anything around her. She can't hear. She can't think... All she felt was a sharp pain penetrate through her fragile body. Her body fell on the ground. Crimson red warm liquid flows out of her body. She was dead tired. She closed her eyes despite all her attempts to stay awake, hoping to see the one she loves one last time. But nevertheless, she fell asleep... forever...

Natsume woke up. Finding himself having the same nightmare again. He was breathing hard. Almost gasping for air. His hands reached to his face. Wet. Is this... sweat... or tears...? He found himself asking this question over and over again. Three months. It was already three months since she left. He couldn't live without her. Having her cheerful and bubbly self around. The never-ending warmth she brings... He blamed himself for her death. Becaouse of him... she died. He should have kept his feelings for her a secreat. But now it's too late.

He walked towards the bathroom. He took a glance at himself at the mirror. He remembered the day she was cremated...

He ran towards his room. Unable to accept the fact that she died. He took out a knife from the cabinate, trying to make a wound on the vein in his arms. He was trying to attempt suicide.

But... Is this what she wants him to do? She'll be sad, he knows it. She's easy to read. Like a fairytale of a story book. But her story didn't end well like those stated in the fairytale. He knows her too well. And he knew... why she did that.

Luckily his childhood bestfriend, Ruka and his girlfriend, Hotaru managed to stop him from deepening the wound.

Heh... he smirked at himself while staring at the still healing wound on his left arm.

He took a bath and put on his uniform. Another boring day. He told himself. He went through the corridor that leads to the classroom. The usual corner where he purposely let her bump into himself. She was dense. Denser than a four year old. Anyone in class already knows his intentions, except for her, of couse.

His lips formed a small curve. A chuckle.

Her skirt will then flip up, revealing her panty-of-the-day. Polka-dots, strawberries, kitties, loved-shaped... He almost saw them all. Well... almost...

She will then yell at him. Calling her a pervert which he denies almost everyday. Then the bell will ring and she'll run off to class.

It was the same everyday. A fixed routine. But it's not boring. They were quite amusing. You can actually say they're entertaining.

He walked pass his class. The school bell already rang for the past 2 minutes. He wanted to skip today. Considering today is Narumi's class. That freak. He hate-no-despise him. But she always looks so cheerful around Narumi. How it irritates him. How he wish to burn that guy into ashes one day.

Normally if he skips class, she would drag him back to class-usually by force-from his favourite spot, the Sakura tree.

The Sakura tree is his favourite spot. The scent of the cheery blossom when it was spring. The shade it brings when it's summer. The withered leaves of the Sakura tree when it was blown by the winds when it was fall. The white chrismas when it was winter.

He will usually spend his time there -of course- with her. She was loud. But he didn't mind. In fact, he likes her being by his side all the time. This way, he can watch out for idiotic freaks who try to steal her away from him. She was his, everyone knew. But still, she WAS his.

He went towards the Sakura tree without him even noticing it. He simply follow where his feet would bring him while he drowns in the precious memories both of them share.

Wait.

He stopped.

His heart skipped a beat.

His eyes grew wider showing his shocked crimson eyes.

There was someone under his and her Sakura tree. Someone familiar. Someone who appears almost everynight in his dreams. A brunette in pigtails...

Mikan...?

**A/N: Oooookaaaay. It's 11.11 PM almost midnight. It's Wednesday and tomorrow's a schoolday! See how much i sacrificed to write this fic? Hehe... then you can just show your graditude by taking 3 seconds to review. One review away to keep my happy everyday Thanks!!**


	2. Invisible

**Disclaimer: What?? I own Gakuen Alice?? No...? Aw... that crushed my dreams...**

**A/N: Well, Hope you like the first chapter This chappie is in Mikan's POV. By the way, I had a very pleasant birthday all thx for the reviews. I'll personally thank May520, YAC and babytrish-seedlings. I love you all!!**

**Fading Dreams**

**Chapter 2: Invisible**

She only remembered the unbereable pain penetrating through her body. Then she fell into a deep slumber. The most comfortable one to say at least.

It was enjoyable. No pain is felt anymore. It's like staying in heaven. The serenity makes you feel like you don't want to leave. Her thoughts are all washed away... along with her memories.

And yet, her heart says the opposite. The sadness spread through her body. Something in her doesn't want to leave yet. Someone particular. Someone special. But...

Who?

She can't remember. Her mind struggle to remember who that person is.

A boy... With raven hair... Cold, deadly crimson eyes that shines brighter than the northen lights...

And?

Nothing.

She only knows what the colour of his hair is... and the colour of his eyes. She dugged through her mind. Trying her best to find out who he is, even though she doen't know why her heart pained so much when she couldn't remember him.

_Mikan Sakura..._

Someone is calling her name. The only thing she remembers other than what she remembered about the boy. She opened her eyes, hoping that this was just a nightmare, which turns out that she was floating in the sky. She was wearing a pure white silk gown. The most beautiful dress she layed her eyes on. Everything around her is white. A bright light shines on her, giving her a warm and protective feeling. She stared behing her back. She has a small pair of white wings!

The upper part of her small wings are in the colour of the purest white she had ever seen. She tried flattering her wings.

But something was disturbing.

The lower part of the wings are in the colour of black. Darker than the sky at midnight. The visible darkness surrounded by the pureness of white.

What the... Is this how an angel should look like??

_Mikan Sakura..._

The same gentle voice called her again.

_At the early age of sixteen, tragedy striked at you on a very fateful day. You had defended your love one and saved him from death which was already planned. _

My loved one?

_But unfortunately, death turns to you. This was not something that should have happened. _

I'm dead?

_We concluded that your actions were very sinful. Therefore, to redeem your sins, you are not given a chance to reincarnate. The title angel will not be given to you as well._

What the... what is this??

_The title that will given to you... is a Fallen Angel. You will not stay in heaven nor sent to hell. You will be send back to earth as a wondering soul until the sins committed is redeemed. _

_All your memories in the past as well as your memories now will not be recovered._

_...Until then... I bid you farewell..._

Her eyes widened. The lights around her slowly drowned in the seas of darkness. The areas on her back gave her unbearable pain. She took a glance behind her. Her wings slowly turned black. She wanted to shout but nothing came out. Little did she know... she fell unconcious.

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She woke up. Her eyes were burning as the blazing light shone into her eyes.

_Where am i?_

She looked around her. She was laying under a big Sakura tree. It was blooming beautifully. There's many tall buildings on the other side of the tree. But...

She can't seems to remember anything. The only thing she remembered was the pain on her back. She tried reaching through her back.

She felt nothing.

Heh... it must be a dream... But something felt very wrong.

What's her name?

Where did she live in?

What is she doing here?

So many questions left unanswered. She felt cold sweat running down her neck. How come she couldn't remember anything?

That's it! She must have an amnesia! She must have fallen from the Sakura tree and hit her head too hard. She should find someone who can help her. And if lady luck is on her side, she will remember everything!

That's what her naive little mind thought.

She saw a boy around her age with short blonde hair and wearing a pair of glasses walked past her. She broke into a sunny smile and reached to that person.

She flew past him. Like a ghost...

_What the...? What's going on??_

The boy stooped his track and smiled towards her direction.

_Did he saw her?_

He boy ran towards her. She shut her eyes tight. But he walked past her again.

_What's going on??_

The boy went away with his cherry-pink haired companion, away from the wide-eyed brunette that was still staring them.

_What happened to him...? Or rather... what happened to me??_

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She had been trying to find someone to help her, but everyone seems to be ignoring her, as if she's invincible.

She felt frustrated, confused... and hopeless...

She felt like breaking down. At least, this way no one will stare at her crying.

She sit down under the Sakura tree. Even though her cold and pale body cannot feel the blazing hotness of the sun, she still felt secure under there.

Her arms wrapped around her knees and she lowered her head. She sobbed unconrollably, hoping to cry all her pains out. Her body was trembling repeatedly.

Suddenly...

"...Mikan...?"

A/N: HAHAHAHAHAHA!! A cliff hanger!!! -laugh uncontrollably- Hope you all out there can take your time to review Thx


	3. Illusion

**Disclaimer: I only own tonnes of homework and a lot of Fs. Do you think i still own Gakuen Alice?**

**A/N: HOLIDAY IS HERE!!! That means i can update my fiction almost evryday!!! Cool, ne? Haha, anyways, first of all i wanna thank all those who took ur precious time to review my story. I personally wanna thank:**

**may520**

**babytrish-seedlings**

**crazygirl18**

**Well anyways, this chapter is dedicated to my best friend PL for making my life better!! You know i can't thank you personally... Too mushy... Thx for the gift and i LOVE IT!!**

**By the way, this chapter is in the hot and perverted Kuro Neko's POV -grin uncontrollably- ENJOY!!**

**Fading Dreams**

**Chapter 3: Illusion**

"...Mikan...?"

He thought aloud, hoping to gain the brunette's attention.

But it couldn't be. She's gone. Cremated before his own eyes. She was killed in a battle she shouldn't have fought. He couldn't do anything to protect her, let alone... love her...

But still... That girl... She's Mikan... he's sure of it! He couldn't have mistaken another girl for her. He already knows everything about her. Her every details sealed as a precious memory hidden inside him.

He had to make sure that he isn't going insane. He walked foward.

First step...

Second step...

Third step...

He's "walk" almost turn into a charge. He clenched his fist to prevent the trembling feeling running all over him. He was getting more and more closer to her.

"Mi... kan...?" He whispered.

Her once burried face looked up. Revealing the ever so beautiful face he remembered. She had watery eyes. Her cheecks covered with dry tears. She was crying.

But the Mikan she remembered isn't as pale as her. She had the sad hint hidden in her ones cheerful and warm eyes. But now, they look very sorrow and lifeless.

"Can you... see me?" The girl replied. Her small and sad voice ringing through his ears.

"Mikan..." He mumbled her name in his breath. He was too shocked to speak. The Mikan he knew already died, and now, a girl who's identical to her appears in front of him.

"Can you really see me?? Can you help me?" She stood up, gaining hope as this handsome raven-haired boy can see her.

He couldn't control his body. The once sealed memories flashed before him. He reached out his arm, hoping he can feel the warmth this girl brought to him once again.

But... nothing.

He went passed her. Just like an illusion. He was beggining to think that Iinchou was behind this. And maybe Imai is hiding somewhere taping the whole thing up just to make extra money.

"I'm a phantom..." The girl Natsume concluded as a Mikan's illusion spoke up.

He turned around.

"A... phantom...?" He still stay cool even though he feels like breaking down.

"Yes, a phantom. In other words, a ghost. Nobody Can see me or hear me... But strangely, you can."

"Mikan, you're... a ghost?"

"I prefer being called as a phantom." She tried to cheer up the atmosphere. "You call me Mikan... Is that my name?"

Is this girl playing with him?? Someone who appeared out of nowhere, suddenly called herself a ghost -ahem- a phantom but doesn't know who the hell her name is??? He'll kill Iinchou and Imai when he goes back to class.

"Come with me."

That was he's only reply. To see if the girl is lying to him and to find out whether there's hope for him to meet his Mikan again, he'll find that annoying Imai and kill her if he needs to search for her in hell.

The so called Mikan obediently followed him. But as she was "obediently" following him, she went through the whole school as a ghost giggling at everything she sees, discovering every part of the human society.

"Ne, what's your name?" She said while letting out a little giggle.

God... she's so much like her!!! It drives him crazy. But mananged to still convince himself that she's an illusion.

"Natsume." His simple reply.

"Natsume..." She tested his name through her mouth. It adds a little sweetness in his heart when she said his name like that.

_NO!! Natsume, this is an illusion. And remember to kill Iinchou and Imai._

"What about mine?" She stared at him wide-eyed.

"What? You don't know?" He answered her almost shouting. He was almost driven insane.

_An illusion, illusion, illusion... _He reminded himself over and over again.

" ...no... i don't..." She forced out a smile. Hoping that he'll not notice.

But nothing escapes him. What do you think? He underwent years of training and hope that he won't notice? Puh-lease!

"...You--" He was cut off by a yelp before he can finish.

"Kyaaa...!!" She bumped into someone and fell down.

Natsume smirked a little as he shut his eyes slowly. Damn... She's so much like Mikan.

Wait a minute.

His eyes shot open.

She... RAN INTO SOMEONE??

But she's an illusion!!

He turned around. A young boy with silver hair is staring at her...

**A/N: Sorry for the extremly short chapter!!! I tried to make a cliff-hanger, lolz Anyways, don't forget to REVIEW**


	4. Discoveries

**Disclaimer: Again, no, i DO NOT own Gakuen Alice, there, u can't sue me!!**

**A/N: Thx for those who update I specially thank...**

**Pink Fire101**

**May520**

**...For the great reviews This chapter is in Mikan's POV, by the way. If there's any questions or any suggestions, feel free to drop by my profile page and PM me. Well, here's the next chapter, enjoy**

**Fading Dreams**

**Chapter 4: Discoveries**

I followed this raven haired boy into the school building. It's somehow weird. When i first saw this person, my heart suddenly beat very fast and i felt very happy. But... maybe it's because he's the only one that can see me... ya, i guess that's why...

Anyways, he seemed very unfocused. He also gritted his teeth a few time... I wonder what he's thinking about.

He told me his name is Natsume. I smiled at him while trying to repeat his name. It feels... farmiliar.

After a few moments of silence, i asked him what's my name.

He looked surprised when i asked him. It feels a little awkward when you ask someone else about your own name. In a little bad side, it hurts a lot not knowing what and why you're doing here.

I tried to hide my hurt expressions. I don't like it when someone feels sorry for me.

"...You--" He was cut off by my yelp before he can finish.

"Kyaaa...!!" I bumped into someone and fell down.

While rubbing my sore butt, i sensed something wrong. I actually BUMPED into some one. But... i'm a phantom!!

I lifted my head while sitting on the floor. There is a young boy with silver hair staring at me with his sparkling wide eyes. He looks really like a mini version of Natsume.

"...!!" The boy is still staring at her.

"...Youichi?" Natsume broke the awkward silence.

"You...you are..." The boy by the name Youichi stared at me.

Youichi pointed rudely at me while saying something that i dislike but is farmiliar. "U... gly..." He said in a monotone voice.

"Ex... CUSE ME?!" i can't hold back my temper, so i shouted at him while glaring at him. I mean, come on, it's not everyday you bumped into someone and that someone called you ugly when it's so no true.

"How come you can bump into an illusion, Youichi...?" Natsume walk towards them.

Excuse me?? How dare you call me an illusion?? I thought angrily while glaring at him as well.

How come they're all so rude? Even though i'm just a phantom, i still have feelings, you know.

"Oni-chan... it's not an illusion..."

**A/N: Sry for the short chappie, it's really hard for me to write in Mikan's POV. I'll update another one later.**


	5. Fallen Angel

**Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah... i do not own Gakuen Alice...**

**A/N: Sorry for the previous short chapter, you guys... I'm trying to write Mikan's POV but it's so hard... I mean, she lost her memories, for pete's sakes... This chappie eill contain a LOT of explaination. Anyways, continue with Natsume and Youichi's POV.**

**Fading Dreams**

**Chapter 5: Fallen Angel**

Natsume's POV

"Oni-chan... she's not an illusion..."

Great, now Youichi is playing a prank at me as well. Is it April 1st already?

"I'm not an illusion, i'm a phantom!" The 'illusion' tried arguing with me.

"Let's not play such an idiotic prank, Youichi..." Oh damn, i'm starting to lose my temper. NO ONE should play a prank on me about Mikan. Or in hell they're going to be in.

Youichi didn't make a sound. Instead, he walked towards Mikan, who is still sitting on the floor. His expressionless face still staring at her. He lifted his finger and poked her forehead. (A/N: Imagine the episode where they wanted to act the play and Natsume hit Mikan when she called him 'cute')

"Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw! Aw!" The 'illusion' screamed out loud.

All of you must be wondering why i won't call this 'illusion' as 'Mikan'. This is because this is an illusion, for god's sakes. You can't see the dead again when someone dear to you is gone. There's no way someone can revive the dead, even if there's someone with an alice more powerful than Youichi's.

But this 'illusion' seems to react when Youichi poked her. But... it's just not possible... is it?

Youichi's POV

I can't believe it. Mikan's soul.

Oni-chan was crying when she was gone... even though he didn't show it, he loves her so much. But now, he refuses to accept that this is Mikan's broken soul.

"Oni-chan, it's true, this is really Mikan's broken soul." I stopped for a while before continued. There is a law in the world of death. When someone changed the fate of one person, when he or she died, he or she will be banished from the heaven or hell. The punishment they received is to live in this world as a phantom, without any of their past memories. This is a mental challenge as no ghost knows what they're doing in this world. No one can see them nor touch them."

Oni-chan trembled a little and his eyes widen as i slowly continue...

Natsume's POV

Mikan's soul? Hahaha, impossible, the death cannot be revived. I repeatedly told myself that.

But... I think Youichi told me the truth. The dead-serious look in his eyes told me that. He continued from where he left...

"Mikan changed your fate, oni-chan..."

My eyes widened. My... fate...?

"You were supposed to die on that day. But Mikan changed your fate. She saved you using her alice. She protected you with it but didn't protect herself. That's why she was sent back to earth, but without her memories."

Without... her memories... about herself... about freaky Narumi... about Ruka... about Imai... and... me...

"She's now a fallen angel."

Fallen angel??

"Yes... a fallen angel. A fallen angel is described as death. A combination of both angels and demons. A being without hope. Her wings are shattered due to the punishment. After she had redeemed her sins, she will grow back her wings."

"And... what happens until then?" I finally found my voice back.

"She only has one year to redeem her sins or else..."

I tooked a deep breath.

"Or else her soul will be shattered."

My breathing stopped. She only has a one year life span?! She came back to me and only has one year of lifespan?!

Damn...

Damn it all...

My world starts to spin again as i felt my head getting heavy. I hang on to the wall to gain support.

"Oni-chan?!"

I heard Youichi shouting before everything went black...

**A/N: Haha, cliffy again!! Not so tough anymore, huh Kuro Neko Chan? Pls REVIEW**


	6. Alice Stone

**Disclaimer:**

**Me? I own Gakuen Alice? Really?? -pinch- OUCH! I'm just dreaming...**

**Author's Notes:**

**Thanks a lot lot lot for all your nice nice nice reviews I have to personally thanks...**

**may520**

**crazygirl18**

**proffesional**

**Hisamatsu-Kurogane**

**babytrish-seedlings**

**glenda23**

**sherea**

**...for all your wonderful reviews And i'm so extremly sorry for not updating earlier. I'm so caught up with playing online games i forgot about my fiction. I know all you guys out there must be angry at me... sob... so to redeem my sins -lolz- i'll give you all this chapterz**

**Fading Dreams**

**Chapter 6**

Natsume's POV

Oh, god... My head hurts like hell. It reminds me of the hangover i had last year (A/N: I made this scene up)

Heh... last Christmas party and i was drunked... but i was well aware, though. I was arguing with some idiot who spilled drinks all over me. and guess what? I almost burnt the whole place up... well... almost... Why? Because my alice is nullified. I closed my eyes unable to stay awake. And the only thing that i remembered was... a familliar scent surrounded me. The very nice scent that only belongs to...

...Mikan...

Ruka told me she carried me back to my room as noone dared to get close to me. Because of my fire a lice, of course. But she can nullify my alice. Even so... despite the heavy alcohol odour...

I guess...

I missed her more that i thought...

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I slowly opened my eyes. The blinding white light is hurting my eyes. Not as warm as i remembered. It was... cold. The once blurry image is starting to clear...

And the first thing my eyes came contact with is...

...her beautiful scarlet wide eyes...

I shut my eyes quickly.

_God... this isn't real!! _I shouted in my thoughts.

"...daijoubu...?" She said to me almost whispering...

She sound exactly like that day i was drunk at the Christmas Party. I remembered myself waking up in my room... the same blinding white light shined into my eyes. But they were warm and comfortable. Until my image focused a little... my crimson eyes meets her scarlet eyes.

_Natsume... daijoubu?_

"Get out..." I gritted my teeth.

_Ne, Natsume-kun?_

"...Nani...? Natsume-kun?"

_...Aishiteru..._

"GET OUT!!!" I shouted, unable to control my emotions.

She was shocked by my sudden outburst.

I took a little glimpse at her. Her eyes are red. Her tears are threatening to flow out.

I hate making her cry. Why did i always messed up?

Just as i tried apologizing -which seems so easy but is impossible for me- Youichi came in.

"Ne, Mikan-chan... Can you leave us alone for a while? We have something to talk about." Youichi maintained his coolness.

"...Hai..." the phantom -and i would like to say, i refused to call her Mikan- whispered a little with her head bent down. She quickly left the room.

My heart was clenching -hard-

_Natsume-kun... Aishiteru..._

"Onii-chan..." Youichi broke into my thoughts.

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Youichi's POV

Mikan left the room quickly. I swear i heard her sobbing.

"Onii-chan..."

I tried to talk to onii-chan. He looks furious. The second time in my life i've saw him getting this angry. The first time was... when Mikan was shot.

"It's not her fault..."

I tried comforting him.

"OF COURSE IT IS!!! Did she HAD to jumped into my way?!"

I stood still. My whole body was tensed up. To tell you the truth, i was scared.

"Did she HAD to protect me instead of herself?! Did she HAD to come with me?!"

Suddenly, he grew silent...

"Did she had to fall in love with me...?"

He whishpered while burried his head into his hands. Leaving me standing still, afraid to move.

He didn't know the truth. There's more actually...

To redeem a fallen angel's sins, the fallen angel must change back the fate of that person whose fate has been changed. To make this more clearly, Mikan has to change back Natsume's previous fate in order to reincarnate.

And Natsume's fate is...

To die...

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_Shit..._

I think my world is falling apart. I've lost her once and i never ever wanted to lose her again.

_What the hell... A fallen angel's sins??_ _What kind of crap is this?!_

I groaned as i fall back laying myself on the bed. I rest my arm on my head, trying to stop my head from spinning.

I shouldn't had yelled at Youichi. It's not his fault. It's not her fault either...

It was all...

My fault.

My head spinned some more. Suddenly, i felt my hand contancted with something cold. My eyes shot opened. I got up and look into my hand.

Something was shining. A beautiful colour of white.

I looked up.

Youichi was smiling.

"For you, onii-chan. An alice stone..."

**Author's Note:**

**Hai! All done!! Sorry for the extremly late update again. I would be faster if there's more support! So... review? PLEEEAAASSSSEEEE? XD**


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